Nan Biag Mid Ili- Anonymous 2nd Place

 I will always look back at the life in ili with bitterness. Not that it made me less of a person because on hindsight I know that it had strengthened me but I keep asking why does it have to be that hard. In general, the ili is a great place to nurture growth but there are things that have always struck me as odd. It goes beyond the question of ambition but of the wasted potential of what people can become if the community is really supportive of growth and not impeded by deep-rooted culture of not challenging the norm.

Perhaps the best experience growing up in the ili is the lack of variety in experience. With no personal motivators to appreciate the simplicity and blandness of the rural life, one is left with no desire to go further because this kind of life will suffice. That is the beauty because on one hand, it teaches contentment but when exposed to the life outside, one questions why we should settle for a life so simple. 

Indeed we put premium on education as I still remember countless songs sang at the Monday programs making example of those who squandered the opportunity to earn a diploma over the short-lived joys of barkada and city life. These have painted life outside as a place with constant temptations where a constant battle needs to be fought to earn that diploma- the certificate that equalizes. But why would there be a need of an equalizer if life in the ili is guided by inayan- where everyone should be looking out for each other and that taking too much is a betrayal of the social norm? Adi tako bukodan di gawis really?

Crimes rarely come on our side of the world but are there no injustices experienced daily? The lack of crimes in the ili does not reflect the injustices that we learn to live by and normalize as our way of life. How have we treated those that have succumbed to mental illnesses? Have we not laughed at our kids who ran after them and treated it lightly as ang-angaw?  Have we ever stopped to think how difficult exchange gifts are for those who have no stable means of income? Easy to say that a ganta of saliket as a gift is acceptable yet there is the obvious disappointment for not being able to receive some generic Christmas gift. How many of us have thought that being a lesbian or gay is a sayang to the puli? How have we treated single-mothers and orphans? All these instances, the way our children respond is a reflection of how we treat these issues- we brush it off as rare aberrations. The best test of character is how we treat the disadvantaged and with how I saw it, we are failing miserably.

We need not go far to see these stories that impede the inclusive growth of everyone. In one way or another, there will always be aspects where you are perceived as inferior- poor, fat, ugly, short, old, single, no kids, poor English.... How can a small community where everyone knows everyone use these features to make feel people less of themselves? Just look at how we greet people we have not seen in a long time: "Aye et di tinmabaam?", "Ay wada et asawam?", "Nganet sas nasiknam?". Have we no better things to say to people we know? Maybe say something that is both uplifting and characteristic of the close-knit community that we are. 

I am filled with bitterness because sarcasm has always been there. When people achieve something- there will always be those who invalidate. When people do good- there will always be those who will jeer. When people make mistakes- a lot will condemn. This is a reality in life but should we not have a more pleasant experience since we boast ourselves of community-centric values? Maybe I have given our ili too much credit leading to this disappointment. I am not saying that it has been sad all through out but the unfortunate experiences poison those instances where the kinder teacher cared for us like her own kids or how the storekeeper allowed longer periods to pay when income was hard to come by or how people come together in times of fire to help out.  

I will always look back at the life in ili with bitterness but I will also look back with pride, joy, gratitude and fondness. I have made it a life mission to create the change that I have always wanted. As I try to provoke you to think if we share that experience of unexpressed oppression, I challenge you to join me in creating that change. Victims of this normalized oppression need not have a face or a name- it just needs a collective consciousness and acceptance that behind our mountainy splendor is the dark side of our way of life that we need to change.